By Mary…

“You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices. Or you can fight back.  The rest of your life is being shaped right now.  The choices you make and the person you decide to be.  The rest of your life is a long time and the rest of your life starts right now.”

Quote from One Tree Hill

Happy New Year!

I am so happy that year 2011 is over and I say this with all the conviction I have in me.  I’m not one to put much into new year resolutions but I did make two last year.  One was to take back my life.  Somewhere in the middle of being a wife, mother, problem solver, studying, endless loads of laundry and dishes (teenagers…UGH!), broken bones, football practices, school dances, etc., I kind of got lost in the shuffle.  I became so engrossed with fixing everyone else’s problems that I lost sight of who I am and what I want out of life.

So instead of dwelling on the many “resolutions” that I could make with the start of this new year, I’m going to share a couple lessons that I learned over this past year.

Recently, I was reminded of an event in my life that had a profound effect on me.  One that I had forgotten about and one that I regret forgetting about.  Just a few days ago, I lost my temper at my youngest son.  He looked at me with absolute sincerity in his eyes and asked, “Why are you always so mad?”  I stood there feeling like someone had just thrown a bucket of ice cold water on me.

Hearing these words echo around in my head is what sparked the memory I swore I would never forget.  Around 8 or 9 years ago, when the kids were just toddlers, I was busy doing all the mundane chores of the day, when he came running in back door yelling “Mommy”!  I snapped at him with a curt “What do you want?  Mommy’s busy.” and I never even turned around.  He softly said, “Nothing”, and went to his room.  That night, I went to tuck him and turn on the night light.  As I sat down on the edge of his bed, I stepped on something and thought, “Good Lord….what has he drug into the house now?”  As I picked the unknown object up off the floor, tears instantly burned in my eyes, as I held a little bunch of wilted flowers in my hands.  He looked up at me and whispered, “I picked them for you but you were busy.”  I had never felt so unworthy as a parent as I did in that moment until just the other day.

Lesson 1 – Don’t ever loose sight of what is truly important.

We’ve all been asked if you could take back one day, which one would it be.  For me, it would be Friday, November 26, 2010, the day before my best friend died.  As usual for everybody at that time of year, I was running around doing the whole “Thanksgiving” thing…parties, family dinners, cooking, etc.  In my hurry to get everything done, I physically drove past Gina’s house twice that day – once on the way to pick up my son from a friend’s house and again on the way back.  He even asked me why I didn’t stop.  My answer being that Gina had a house full of company and we had already made plans for next week.  Besides we had to get home, pick up the food and get to Grandma’s house for dinner.  There wasn’t enough time to stop that day.  Gina died of a brain aneurysm Saturday morning.

A little over a year has passed since she died and there has been very few days that I don’t think about what I did.  I know that I will never get that day back.  Regret is a very hard thing to live with and if there is one thing I can pass on about this experience, it is to make time to do the things that matter.  You may not get a tomorrow, next week or even next year.

Lesson 2 – Forgiveness is divine but forgiving yourself is healing.

I’ve come to realize that with everything we deal with on a daily basis, marriage, job, children, money, etc., that life doesn’t have to be this hard and there are times we make it harder on ourselves.  So this new year’s resolution is basically a continuation from last year.  I’m taking back my life.  I’m coming to realize the things that are good for me and the ones that are not, knowing the difference and letting go of the ones that are pulling me down.  So as I said good-bye to 2011, I’m closing that part of my life that is no longer good for me and looking forward to a new start.  I will leave you all with one additional quote…

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. and it’s yours.”

Quote from One Tree Hill

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By Mary…

Everyone has heard of the old saying “No Guts, No Glory.”  We mostly associate this with life changing decisions.  I made such a decision recently when I decided to get my certification and I’m very proud of my accomplishment.  But what happens when you are faced with situations where you have the “guts” to make tough decisions, all the while knowing that the “glory” may never come.  In the meantime, the effects that these decisions have on your life leaves you with a feeling that your life is spiraling out of control.

I’m a firm believer that there is a bright side to everything that life throws our way but there are times when we just can’t seem to find it.  We can’t see the forest for the trees.  I think most of us have felt this way at one time or another.  Life is hard and it is truly a survival of the fitness, or at least, the mentally strongest.  I’ve lived my life with the belief that when you are knocked off your feet, you can choose to either stay down or you can pull yourself back up and keep on going.

As a mother of three, I’ve tried hard not to be overly protective of my children.  I don’t come apart at the seems over cuts, scraps, broken bones or broken teenage hearts.  Physical wounds are the easy ones.  The emotional wounds take a little more TLC, patience and understanding.  My kids will tell anyone who asks, “Mom says it will be all healed and gone by the time we’re married.”  To some, that may sound harsh but the point behind it is to teach them not to sweat the small stuff.  They have learned that life deals you blows and these blows will hurt, but given time those wounds will heal.

Then the day comes when you realize there are situations that you can not fix and battles you are not going to win no matter how hard you try.  How do you fight and win a battle that is physically and emotionally stronger that you are?  How long do you keep fighting before you make the decision to declare defeat and walk away?  Or do you plant your feet firm on the ground and make a “guts without glory” decision?

When did our society stop taking responsibility for their actions?  Why is it when a man has an affair it’s called a mid-life crisis, but for a women, she is deemed a home-wrecker?  How many times have we heard – Oh, they are just sowing some wild oats…It’s just a phase they are going through…They are rebelling, it’s natural… NO!  I don’t believe this.  When someone willfully and deliberately does something that goes against everything you believe in and everything you stand for…it is WRONG!  They need to be man/woman/teenager/friend enough to stand up and take responsibility for their actions and stop trying to lay blame everywhere else other than where it belongs.  It’s called freedom of choice and we all have it and if this freedom is abused then you have to face the consequences of your actions.  When did we, as a society, lose our common decency in being able to admit that we made a mistake and take blame for what we have done wrong?  When did we become a society intent on blaming everything and everyone else for our own failures and mistakes?

I’ve learned a couple of valuable lessons lately…trust is more fragile than you think and in the time it takes you to inhale your next breath, it can be irretrievably broken.  I’ve learned that mistakes made by my children, my husband, my friends, are not mine and I will no longer take responsibility for them, nor will I try to fix them.  I’ve learned that it’s ok to declare defeat and walk away.  Ultimately, you do the best you can with what life throws at you.  I take comfort in knowing that tomorrow the sun will rise again, and with the dawn of a new day, comes the opportunity to pull myself back up

…and I will keep on going.

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By miahappy…

I know Memorial Day will be recognized on the last Monday of May for most people, but eight years ago, Memorial Day forever became May 26 for me and my family.

That was the day our dear friend, Maj. Mathew E. Schram, was killed in an envoy in Iraq.

He died May 26, 2003 – ironically enough, Memorial Day that year. I’ll never forget getting the call from my mother several days after, telling me he was gone. We’ve known and befriended the Schram family for my entire life. Mat was my sister’s age, and they had gone to school together. Their father was our family dentist, and Mat’s older brother is a very successful agent in my parent’s business – he still works there as a top man today.

I’ve always had a deep respect and admiration for all things military (I don’t think that’s a secret), but the events of those days back in 2003 will live with me forever. As you’d expect, bits and pieces of information came in as to what had happened, and time seemed to stand still as we waited for Mat’s body to be released and transported back to the United States. They’d originally said it could take up to two weeks, but I think all involved were relieved when they managed to bring him back in less than one.

The visitation was packed, a line forming through the entire funeral home, filled with people wanting to extend their condolences and say a final goodbye. It was a closed casket, but I do remember talking with one of the family members who had seen the body and commented that it did not look like him. Then again, once their soul is with God, they rarely do.

The casket and memorial was beautifully dressed; the flag looking so majestic draped over the coffin. It was hard to believe a short time later that same flag would be presented to Mat’s father as a last tribute to one of his sons.

I approached Mat’s father once I’d said my prayers for Mat. Doc, as we affectionately call him, had been our dentist until his retirement a short time before. After a hug and a failed attempt at hiding tears, I struggled for words. What do you say in a moment such as that?  I said the first thing that came to my mind. “You must be very proud.”

His response will stay with me forever. “I always was.”

The funeral was sad, as was to be expected, but there was an incredible feeling of pride as well. The ceremony, the tributes, the honor; it all stays with me many years later. When the governor of the state of Wisconsin walked into the church and approached Mat’s family, many of us were shaking our heads because it was nothing more than a photo op for him. It was my first lesson in keeping my mouth shut (you all know how difficult that is for me) out of respect for the family, but I’ll never have respect for any politician who uses such a moment for their personal gain. I’ll keep the rest of my political opinions to myself.

Mat’s mother had passed several years before he did, and there was somewhat of a comforting feeling knowing he was once again with her. As a new mother myself at the time, my first child was only six months old, I walked in and out of the church several times during the funeral mass trying to keep him calm. In hindsight, I’m glad I had that opportunity because there were a multitude of displays put together by Mat’s family in the church’s entryway. There were photos and letters exchanged during his time in Iraq and elsewhere that gave a bigger insight into Mat’s beliefs and his love of his job. If my little guy hadn’t been fussy, I may not have had the opportunity to view and read all those papers.

The funeral procession from the church to the cemetery was incredible. There had to have been fifty cars at least, and that estimate is probably low. The trip wasn’t more than 5 miles or so, but it’s amazing the way I viewed everything just a bit differently as we rode.  All the people we passed; all I could think of was, “This man died for you…” and they probably never even thought of it.

As we turned into the cemetery, there was a lone man standing across the street. He was dressed in civilian clothes, but wore some sort of hat (I wish I had gotten a closer look) as if he was part of an auxiliary or something. The day was cold and rainy (much as it is today in WI), but there he was standing at full attention, saluting the procession as we passed. I can only hope Mat’s family took as much comfort from that simple gesture as I did.

The burial was short, but beautiful. Watching the men in full military dress saluting, folding, and presenting the flag to Doc was incredible to witness. I will never know what that man said to Mat’s father when he knelt down beside him and whispered in his ear, but I hope Doc took comfort in whatever it was. There was a 21 gun salute, and after Taps was played, I don’t believe there was a dry eye left in the crowd.  If there was, that person has no heart.

I still think of Mat often, just about every time I see anything about troops being injured/killed or deployments being sent out. I think I take a greater comfort in the beautiful reunions they play on T.V., parents coming home to surprise their kids after being away for so long, because that’s one less person who has to suffer the loss Mat’s family had to.

The greater comfort to them, however, is they know how much Mat loved Army life, and how much he loved serving his country. He died a true hero, and I vow never to forget that.

If you’d like to know more about Mat and what actually happened that day in 2003, this will tell you the full story. http://www.blackfive.net/main/2004/05/one_year.html

So as we all have our day off this weekend and gather for parades, barbecues, or just stick around the house to catch up on things, I hope all of us will give more than one thought to what the day really means. It is Memorial Day, not the kick off to the summer as many consider it, but a day to reflect on the men and women who have fought and died for our freedom throughout the course of history. And, do Mat a favor; remind someone else of that fact, too. Not enough people in our country remember.

RIP Mat, and thank you.

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…by Mary

When Carol asked me if I would like to write a blog, I was so honored that she had that much faith in me, even saying that she knew it would be ‘stellar’. I had to read it twice…ok, it was actually four or five times…to make sure I was reading it correctly. Then, I did a little happy dance around my kitchen and I’m very thankful my kids weren’t home to see that or they would have thought I had lost my mind. I replied to her with an enthusiastic “YES!!!!”

Little did she know that the instant I clicked that little send message button, I froze and my brain hit shutdown mode. All the ideas that were running through my head just moments earlier had vanished…sort of like taking your hand and in one sweep, cleaning off all the papers on your desk into the trash can. Your desk looks really great…and really clean…and very, very empty. That was my brain…empty.

With my elbows propped on the table and my face in my hands, I took several deep breaths and repeated the words, “you can do this…you can do this” over and over again about hundred times. (Silly, I know but it works for me.) I sat back down at my computer with a somewhat renewed confidence and promised myself that I was NOT going let Carol down.

Now, on to the blog…

This is an excerpt from Days of Our Lives November 2006

Nick Fallon (at the Brady Pub) – “This is a quote that the Governor of the great state of Oklahoma, Brad Henry, once said…Families are the compass that guide us. They’re our inspiration to reach great heights and our comfort when we occasionally falter.”

Families are the compass that guide us

This site was created to honor the actors that we admire and the characters that we love. A place where we can come to escape from real life stress and leave our worries behind, if only for a little while. But in our escape, we have formed real life friendships. A place where we can laugh, cry, joke, admire, read, watch, write and comment. We share our milestones, birthdays, graduations and anniversaries. When we are feeling down, overwhelmed, or need to vent, we all coming running to the one place that brings us a sense of security and feeling of home. We may not be a conventional family formed through blood ties or marriage. We are a family formed through friendship.

They’re our inspiration to reach great heights

A little over a year ago, I wrote my first billet. It was so bad that I deleted it and started over. I must have gone through five or six different versions before I finally had it where I thought I wanted it. The only problem was, I couldn’t seem to get an ending that sounded right. After arguing with myself for the next several days, I sent it to Carol for help with the ending and suggestions for a title. I was so nervous and terrified that when she answered I couldn’t even open the message to read it. I had to wait until my daughter came home from school and read it first. She laughed at me and said, Mom, she loves it. I don’t remember Carol’s exact words but I’ll never forget how I felt when I did read her reply…I felt worthy. I don’t think Carol realized how appropriate her title, Miracle, was but it has definitely been my inspiration. After all this time, the finished billet is still the first message saved in my inbox.

There are countless other examples of inspiration I have received over this past year and the list is a long one. Inspiration can come in many forms and in ways we never expected. You never know how your words will inspire someone else to reach their goals or achieve something they never thought possible.

Our comfort when we occasionally falter

This past year dealt me some blows that completely knocked me off my feet. Most of you know I lost the greatest friend I ever had the privilege of knowing. I was devastated to say the least and to say that I faltered would be like saying the ocean is a small pond. I can not begin to express my gratitude for the amount of comfort everyone gave me through your posts and private messages. I had a special place of comfort…a place to go to feel grounded once again.

Even in times when I questioned my ability to write a full length fan fic, the words of encouragement gave me the strength to keep going. A friend, who I have come to admire greatly, gave me some of the most comforting and encouraging words I’ve ever read…

My point in this is that I’m no better than the man on the moon is. I just stand behind my work and believe in my story. Whether it’s good or bad.

Do you not realize the gift that you undoubtedly have in your story telling ability? You are a complete romantic at heart and it shows in everything you write.

With these words came the comfort and inspiration that I needed and whether she realizes it or not, she became the compass that guided me to the family that I’ve come to love .

Some time has passed since I first wrote this for Carol and since that time we have continued to share our milestones together. From the dreaded snowfalls, New Year’s Resolutions, our personal trials and heartaches, our children’s achievements, new stories, new friends, and most recently, the news of Carol’s book making it to the finals.

So for today, I’m unofficially changing the name of Relive the Magic/Feel the Magic to -

Remember The Moments/Friendships That Matter

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~By Giddy

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.
~Saint Thomas Aquinas

In honor of my pal Carol’s birthday this week, I am doing something a bit different for the weekly blog. Unlike all our past blogs, this one has nothing to do with Steve & Kayla, or Stephen & Mary Beth, or heck, even soaps in general. This week’s blog is about life, and more specifically about friendship. Anyone who knows me knows what a huge fan I am of ‘I Love Lucy,’ hence my choice of the above clip as what I hope is a worthy tribute to someone I consider a wonderful and true friend.

Now, most of us know Carol and we know she is not one to seek attention or revel in praise. In fact, her irritating modesty is one of her most endearing traits. So I have no doubt this blog will have to be posted when she is not around or she will insist I take it down.

I first got to know Carol a little over two years ago, quite literally by accident. Back in those days I was not at all a fan fic reader. I never even went into that section of the forum because I didn’t think it would ever be something that would appeal to me. But one day I noticed this title “Wanted” that kept popping up in the most recent topics and I became curious. Actually, I thought ‘who is this yahoo that thinks she can write a halfway believable cowboy story featuring Steve and Kayla as the main characters?’

So I clicked on the link and entered the world of fan fic addiction. By then the story was on chapter 10 I believe, and I was completely riveted through every single chapter. I was dumbfounded for a number of reasons, mostly that it had taken me so long to discover the story, and also because I couldn’t believe that this wawame gal was not a professional writer.

Though I remained a silent stalker in the beginning, it didn’t take me long to jump in and start begging for updates along with everyone else. Somewhere around chapter 14, when Kayla was attempting to bring down Steve’s fever from the knife wound, I was so enthralled with the story I simply had to PM the author and tell her how much I loved her story. And that is where the friendship was born.

She responded to me with a laugh and said it was actually my banner that had inspired her story. She had been trying to come up with a fan fic story idea and had been perusing people’s banners for inspiration. At that time I was using the “Cowboy Up” banner which had been made at my request by the lovely and talented Sweetness1975. And of course my screen name at that time was giddyupcowgirl, so it was only fitting that I have cowboy Steve as my signature.

Carol thanked me for my vocal support of her story, and of course went on and on about how she didn’t deserve so much praise for doing something that came naturally to her. Um okay, so writing a story worthy of being published comes naturally and there is no need for kudos? Yeah, whatever Carol.

Anyway, from that moment forward a wonderful friendship blossomed. I have come to understand, through Carol’s unwavering devotion, what it is to have a true friend. Carol and I just ‘get’ each other, for lack of a better word, and I am forever thankful that she is a part of my life. Our trust in each other is beyond reproach and our bond is unbreakable. It baffles me on some level that such a close friendship could have been borne in such a non-traditional way, and yet I don’t question it, I just give thanks for it.

So as you celebrate your….um….40ish birthday this week Carol, I want you to know how much you mean to me, and to a lot of other people. I know the ladies on RTM would agree wholeheartedly that you are truly one of a kind in your talent, humor, dignity, professionalism, devotion and attitude. You are what makes RTM such a special place and I dare say you are the cornerstone of its success.

Happy Birthday!!….Oh, and what about that ‘Wanted’ update you have been promising since Monday???

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We will be giving away a $15 gift card from Starbucks, Walmart, or Target to the ones who find the coins first.  It is first come, first win and one prize per person.

The coins will look like this:

GOOD LUCK!  We hope along the hunt you find some things you have never seen before or never read before!

Have Fun!