Jan 11 2012

Lessons for the New Year

Posted in Site Events, Uncategorized 5 comments

By Mary…

“You can choose to blame your circumstances on fate or bad luck or bad choices. Or you can fight back. The rest of your life is being shaped right now. The choices you make and the person you decide to be. The rest of your life is a long time and the rest of your life starts right now.”

Quote from One Tree Hill

Happy New Year!

I am so happy that year 2011 is over and I say this with all the conviction I have in me. I’m not one to put much into new year resolutions but I did make two last year. One was to take back my life. Somewhere in the middle of being a wife, mother, problem solver, studying, endless loads of laundry and dishes (teenagers…UGH!), broken bones, football practices, school dances, etc., I kind of got lost in the shuffle. I became so engrossed with fixing everyone else’s problems that I lost sight of who I am and what I want out of life.

So instead of dwelling on the many “resolutions” that I could make with the start of this new year, I’m going to share a couple lessons that I learned over this past year.

Recently, I was reminded of an event in my life that had a profound effect on me. One that I had forgotten about and one that I regret forgetting about. Just a few days ago, I lost my temper at my youngest son. He looked at me with absolute sincerity in his eyes and asked, “Why are you always so mad?” I stood there feeling like someone had just thrown a bucket of ice cold water on me.

Hearing these words echo around in my head is what sparked the memory I swore I would never forget. Around 8 or 9 years ago, when the kids were just toddlers, I was busy doing all the mundane chores of the day, when he came running in back door yelling “Mommy”! I snapped at him with a curt “What do you want? Mommy’s busy.” and I never even turned around. He softly said, “Nothing”, and went to his room. That night, I went to tuck him and turn on the night light. As I sat down on the edge of his bed, I stepped on something and thought, “Good Lord….what has he drug into the house now?” As I picked the unknown object up off the floor, tears instantly burned in my eyes, as I held a little bunch of wilted flowers in my hands. He looked up at me and whispered, “I picked them for you but you were busy.” I had never felt so unworthy as a parent as I did in that moment until just the other day.

Lesson 1 – Don’t ever loose sight of what is truly important.

We’ve all been asked if you could take back one day, which one would it be. For me, it would be Friday, November 26, 2010, the day before my best friend died. As usual for everybody at that time of year, I was running around doing the whole “Thanksgiving” thing…parties, family dinners, cooking, etc. In my hurry to get everything done, I physically drove past Gina’s house twice that day – once on the way to pick up my son from a friend’s house and again on the way back. He even asked me why I didn’t stop. My answer being that Gina had a house full of company and we had already made plans for next week. Besides we had to get home, pick up the food and get to Grandma’s house for dinner. There wasn’t enough time to stop that day. Gina died of a brain aneurysm Saturday morning.

A little over a year has passed since she died and there has been very few days that I don’t think about what I did. I know that I will never get that day back. Regret is a very hard thing to live with and if there is one thing I can pass on about this experience, it is to make time to do the things that matter. You may not get a tomorrow, next week or even next year.

Lesson 2 – Forgiveness is divine but forgiving yourself is healing.

I’ve come to realize that with everything we deal with on a daily basis, marriage, job, children, money, etc., that life doesn’t have to be this hard and there are times we make it harder on ourselves. So this new year’s resolution is basically a continuation from last year. I’m taking back my life. I’m coming to realize the things that are good for me and the ones that are not, knowing the difference and letting go of the ones that are pulling me down. So as I said good-bye to 2011, I’m closing that part of my life that is no longer good for me and looking forward to a new start. I will leave you all with one additional quote…

“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. and it’s yours.”

Quote from One Tree Hill

Copyright © 2012
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wawame - January 11, 2012 - 2:12 pm

Thank you for another inspirational and heartfelt blog, Mary! Truly words of wisdom that often prove difficult to learn. I am glad things are going well for you and that a new beginning is underway. Here’s hoping your new year is the best! 🙂

Julie - January 11, 2012 - 8:59 pm

Beautiful post Mary.

Lisa - January 11, 2012 - 9:04 pm

I appreciate your words Mary.

Take back your life. You and your family will be the better for your efforts.

lo - January 11, 2012 - 9:51 pm

Yup…I see it happening. You are so on your way Mare, keep the faith, the spirit and the drive. The world doesn’t own you…you own the world. Now…do it!!!!

All my love,

Lourdes

Sherry S. - January 12, 2012 - 9:11 am

Excellent blog Mary!!! Truer words were never spoken!

Aug 31 2011

GUTS WITHOUT GLORY

Posted in Site Events 8 comments

By Mary…

Everyone has heard of the old saying “No Guts, No Glory.” We mostly associate this with life changing decisions. I made such a decision recently when I decided to get my certification and I’m very proud of my accomplishment. But what happens when you are faced with situations where you have the “guts” to make tough decisions, all the while knowing that the “glory” may never come. In the meantime, the effects that these decisions have on your life leaves you with a feeling that your life is spiraling out of control.

I’m a firm believer that there is a bright side to everything that life throws our way but there are times when we just can’t seem to find it. We can’t see the forest for the trees. I think most of us have felt this way at one time or another. Life is hard and it is truly a survival of the fitness, or at least, the mentally strongest. I’ve lived my life with the belief that when you are knocked off your feet, you can choose to either stay down or you can pull yourself back up and keep on going.

As a mother of three, I’ve tried hard not to be overly protective of my children. I don’t come apart at the seems over cuts, scraps, broken bones or broken teenage hearts. Physical wounds are the easy ones. The emotional wounds take a little more TLC, patience and understanding. My kids will tell anyone who asks, “Mom says it will be all healed and gone by the time we’re married.” To some, that may sound harsh but the point behind it is to teach them not to sweat the small stuff. They have learned that life deals you blows and these blows will hurt, but given time those wounds will heal.

Then the day comes when you realize there are situations that you can not fix and battles you are not going to win no matter how hard you try. How do you fight and win a battle that is physically and emotionally stronger that you are? How long do you keep fighting before you make the decision to declare defeat and walk away? Or do you plant your feet firm on the ground and make a “guts without glory” decision?

When did our society stop taking responsibility for their actions? Why is it when a man has an affair it’s called a mid-life crisis, but for a women, she is deemed a home-wrecker? How many times have we heard – Oh, they are just sowing some wild oats…It’s just a phase they are going through…They are rebelling, it’s natural… NO! I don’t believe this. When someone willfully and deliberately does something that goes against everything you believe in and everything you stand for…it is WRONG! They need to be man/woman/teenager/friend enough to stand up and take responsibility for their actions and stop trying to lay blame everywhere else other than where it belongs. It’s called freedom of choice and we all have it and if this freedom is abused then you have to face the consequences of your actions. When did we, as a society, lose our common decency in being able to admit that we made a mistake and take blame for what we have done wrong? When did we become a society intent on blaming everything and everyone else for our own failures and mistakes?

I’ve learned a couple of valuable lessons lately…trust is more fragile than you think and in the time it takes you to inhale your next breath, it can be irretrievably broken. I’ve learned that mistakes made by my children, my husband, my friends, are not mine and I will no longer take responsibility for them, nor will I try to fix them. I’ve learned that it’s ok to declare defeat and walk away. Ultimately, you do the best you can with what life throws at you. I take comfort in knowing that tomorrow the sun will rise again, and with the dawn of a new day, comes the opportunity to pull myself back up

…and I will keep on going.

Copyright © 2011
This content is for personal, non-commercial use only. The use of this content on other websites breaches copyright. If this content is on any other site than www.snandmbe.com it makes the page or post you are viewing an infringement of the copyright.

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Miahappy - August 31, 2011 - 10:40 am

First off, congrats again, Mary. Your accomplishments are to be admired!

As for the personal responsibility, I can’t agree with you more! It seems every action in today’s society is immediately excused or justified without consequences. Parents are often more concerned with being their kids’ friend than their parent and the kids end up spoiled brats. And I won’t even get into the lenience of the “justice” system these days. In my opinion the best gift you can give your child is to teach them to stand on their own two feet and take responsibility for their actions. Think twice before acting.

As for defeat? It’s a part of life. Seems we have a society that fights so hard to make everyone feel like a winner. Well, not everyone wins. There are great lessons and valuable experiences to be gained from losing. Real character is shown in the midst of defeat. And, often times, I find my biggest advances in life come as a result of losing/failure.

Unfortunately we cannot control all of society. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could?

Carly Cauthen - August 31, 2011 - 11:26 am

Great job Mary! I will be praying for God’s peace and comfort for you and your family no matter what challenges you may face. If He brings you to it He WILL bring you through it! God Bless! 🙂

wawame - August 31, 2011 - 12:21 pm

…and I will keep on going.

Yes you will, Mary. You are one of the strongest, kindest, truest souls I have ever met. You are indeed a winner, as well as an inspiration to us all. Thank you for sharing.

Giddy - August 31, 2011 - 5:13 pm

Mary,
Sometimes it takes something really monumental to happen in our lives for us to realize how strong we truly are. I believe that all things happen for a reason, though it might seem impossible to understand. You are one of the most gentle amd caring souls I have ever had the pleasure of knowing, and I believe that no matter what, you will endure and you will come out a stronger and better person. Just know that your RTM family is here for you if you need anything.
Love,
Giddy

Gemlily5 - August 31, 2011 - 9:47 pm

Mary,
You inspire us all to strive to be our best each day even when things don’t go our way. You find ways to get through it. I admire you for your strength, courage, and determination to not let things get the better of you.
Thanks for doing this blog.

lo - September 1, 2011 - 12:09 am

Mary, You said what you had to say. You said what you needed to…and you know what, I stand behind you 100 percent. I so believe in you and I completely understand you. I have had the pleasure of “living” in your world for a while, as I tutored you.
If there is anyone that I know that can accomplish their dreams, with all the trappings of misguided youth, and foolish husbands, and insensitive friends, and people that just want and want, and never remember who they even want from, it is you. You just keep going and going. You never stop, you only hope for the best and you go about your day, taking care of any and every one that needs your attention. I think you are the best of the best and the best yet to come.

You just go girl, just go…and keep striving for your dream, just as you have been.

I will sit back and applaud, and know that there is not to many people on this Earth, that can completely understand, what you do.

I would at this moment tell you to “get back to studying” but I don’t have to.

Love you Mare,

Lourdes

Sherry S. - September 1, 2011 - 6:11 pm

Very well written Mary! The world has changed over the years…and not all for the better. As Mia said, everyone expects to be a winner. And in the real world, that’s not the case…we all have to learn to deal with defeat. And hopefully, your setback will lead to something better!

ARAB FAN - September 9, 2011 - 4:15 am

i love you in all the way !

Aug 04 2011

The Bay – Chapter 5 – Part 7 – “FAR FROM THE BAY”

Posted in daytime soaps, Mary Beth Evans, The Bay, Webseries No comments

The Bay – Chapter 5 – Part 6 – “FAR FROM THE BAY”

LANYfilms Productions presents ‘FAR FROM THE BAY‘ a spin-off and prequel to ‘THE BAY The Series’ Season Two, airing every Thursday at 3:15 PM ET / 12:15 PM PT. Viewers will follow Peter (Kristos Andrews X GAMES CHAMPION and Guinness World Record Holder), the youngest son of Sara Garrett (Mary Beth Evans DAYS, ATWT, GH), on his quest to find the woman he believes to be his mother. Shot on location in New York City, Peter retraces the steps of his cruel childhood in an attempt to find Claire Andrews (Marie Wilson ATWT, PC), his adoptive mother who raised him until the age of seven. With no memory of his recent past, Peter encounters members of his adoptive family, as well as those of his biological family, who are stunned by his misguided determination and jaded memories. Along the way, chance encounters with eccentric strangers offer him insight in dealing with his troubled past and arcane present. ‘FAR FROM THE BAY’ is an eight part web series featuring the talents of Ilene Kristen and Tonya Walker (OLTL), Agim Kaba (ATWT), Miriam Colon (SCARFACE, GL), Emmy winner Anna Holbrook (ANOTHER WORLD), and more. With the first ever web soap crossovers from Michael O’Leary of ‘STEAMBOAT’ and Afton Boggiano of ‘EMPIRE‘, musical performer and reggae artist, IFA (Godson of Bob Marley), will also be featured. ‘FAR FROM THE BAY‘ can be scene on our official website at www.thebaytheseries.com.

Created by Gregori J. Martin

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