Steve’s Defining Moments:
1. Watching his father, Duke, beat up his mom every night….which (at age 5) led him to try and kill Duke in order to protect his mom
This made Steve believe…from age 5…that he was a bad person, since only bad people would try to kill someone. This set a course for so much of his life….into adulthood. Because of that certainty (that he was “bad to the bone”) …no matter what pain was inflicted on him, he believed that he deserved it. And he didn’t trust for a moment that any kind of joy or love could last in his life, because he didn’t deserve it.
2. Being put up for adoption with his brother Billy; Billy being adopted…while Steve grew up in the orphanage
In Steve’s mind this confirmed that he was unlovable and undeserving of happiness. His own mother rejected and abandoned him in favor of Duke….and his baby brother found a home, but no one wanted him(Steve). Steve grew up believing that he could not trust most people…trusting people would give them too much power to hurt and abandon and reject him, like his mother had.
3. Losing his eye; and all the rejection and isolation that came with that
Steve already felt unworthy of happiness. But he’d found some friends he trusted…Bo and Britta. Britta ended up double crossing him ; Bo believed that Steve had turned on him and in the process of a fight…accidentally knifed out Steve’s eye. Again, Steve was left feeling that his biggest mistake was to trust anyone, to let anyone in. Now the way he looked seemed to “match up” with what he believed about himself on the inside.
He looked in the mirror and saw these ugly scars that wouldn’t ever heal, and that is exactly who he felt like on the inside. He felt rejected and isolated…like no one cared to know him because of the way he looked. I think Steve became angrier, and lonelier…and more vulnerable than he ever was before. All the while, he felt that he deserved the injury….This injury pushed Steve to follow a dark path: a thug for hire. Now (in his mind) his outside matched what he believed about himself on the inside: that he was ugly and full of anger and hate…..
4. Falling in love with Kayla; Kayla seeing under the patch
Kayla was the first person to see under the patch …it was Steve’s greatest fear (for her, or anyone…to see those scars). But she didn’t flinch. She saw exactly who Steve was, and she didn’t walk away from him. This was miraculous to Steve: that someone could really see him, and love him, and not want to turn the other way and run. This was symbolic of the rest of their early relationship…
Kayla was the first person who really broke through *all* of Steve’s walls, and pushed him to be his real self with her…He constantly tested her, and constantly pushed her to the edge…(Steve didn’t trust that anyone could be that *truly* good inside) . But he wasn’t just testing Kayla…he truly believed that he didn’t deserve her, and that one day she would realize that (and hurt him by abandoning/rejecting him). Kayla’s unconditional and unwavering love gave Steve back the ability to trust in people in general… He also started to see himself through her eyes, see the good in himself and in others too. It’s corny to say, but it’s true…that love healed Steve. He grew to understand that he deserved to be happy, that he was a good and lovable person….
5. Becoming a father
Steve always feared turning out like Duke. He didn’t have great “role models” in parenting skills, and was afraid that he would be a total letdown as a father. The lack of a job certainly didn’t help. But from the moment he had Stephanie, those fears lessened and he was just totally in love with his daughter and his wife. He finally had the family he always wanted, the family he always needed. It was such a joy to see Steve’s total evolution.
no comments