February 1995
If you’ve ever been on a job interview, you’ll understand the terror of auditions! In this business, they tone it down by asking you to ‘read for the part’, but don’t be fooled – they’re bald-faced job interviews. Stars and bit players alike must apply for every part they want. Even actors with steady work, like soaps, occasionally branch out with an ad here, a movie there, or an appearance on a prime-time show. I learned early not to take casting calls too literally.
Once I auditioned for a “nerdy, medical student type”, so I plastered my hair down with gel, wore no makeup and had on thick glasses with smudges on the lenses. I wore mismatched clothes with the pants hem too short and a wrinkled shirt. At the audition I sat in a room full of glamorous women and super models and waited to hear them call my name. I didn’t get the part. And casting directors change character descriptions on a whim. When the script calls for a blonde, they hire a brunette. When the script specifies a tall man, they hire a midget woman.
I recently tested for a Chuck Norris action movie and the call was for a “black, muscular, female, police officer”. I figured: “Hell, I’m female!” Now, everyone knows all the women in every Chuck Norris movie are statuesque and buxom – and I’m neither!
So the morning of the audition, I hurried over to the General Hospital studio and asked the make up artists to transform me! I arrived for the audition as a sex kitten. My hair was the mane of a lioness. My makeup gave me a creamy, unblemished complexion. My lips were lined, my lashes were supplemented and my brows were arched. My long (acrylic) nails were a shameless red. I wore a chiffon dress, low cut and slinky, showed off my foundation enhanced cleavage. And eight-centimeter heels added shape to my legs.
The audition went well and I read with confidence. The fawning producers fell over each other making me comfortable. One producer, worried that the rigors of an action picture might be too much, asked if I’d ever played a part like this. I said: “What, a black woman?” I didn’t get it.
I left the studio and rushed to the shopping mall by my house where I was to pick up my mother-in-law. She was late and I waited the longest fifteen minutes of my life. Five men – including a vice officer – asked me out! Last night, my agent called about another audition, this time for a Steven Seagal action movie. “They want a stunning, athletic woman”. I thought: “Oh, no, not that trap again…!”
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